I’d like to take a moment, and reflect on the most hallowed day on the SWIA calendar. A day that transports women across the country to their truest form. Whether that form be a scorchingly sexy superhero, a slutty kitten, an artistic rendering of a vagina, two happy dancing cartoon girls, or WHATEVER. It’s a day unlike any other, a day where people quit asking themselves what is “appropriate” and what “works for their body type” [OMG don’t EVEN get me started on that one] and start saying “Fuck you, I’m wearing this leotard in 24 degree weather because I am a beautiful BALLERINA” which is exactly what Jaime and I did. Oh, whats that? You thought our life sized rendition of a multicolored Georgia O’Keeffe flower/(let’s be real)Vagina was the extent of our Dress up Christmas celebrations? Well my dear dear friends. I am proud to present Dress up Christmas THE SEQUAL!!! *Queue glitter bomb explosion*
As children of the 21st century i’m sure that those of you with iphones have dabbled in the art of Emoji only conversation. I would be willing to say that about 36% of me and Jaime’s conversations are composed solely of Emojis (24% are unflattering selfies, 18% are screen shots of embarrassing/infuriating text messages, and the other 22% are complaints about our periods). Now, out of all the emoji usage we have gone through in our lives there is one that still holds a special place in our hearts. Some call it the dancing girls, KB calls them Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen, but Jaime and I prefer to refer to them as the Mind Explosion. Ooohhhh and explode our minds they did. We started out the night in my kitchen polishing off a bottle of Fireball and cheap champagne with her dear friend Chris. From there we put on our astonishingly warm getup comprised of; two pairs of tights, two black leotards, hand crafted cone bow headbands, and boots. We forced Chris to take our picture in my kitchen and then embarked in possibly the strangest adventure we’ve been on to date.
I could go in to detail about the rest of our evening, but im just going to be real with you on this one kids, all I know for certain is that I transformed into a ballerina monster mind explosion and at some point sliced my knee open.
Things happened kiddos, and maybe when you’re older I will explain it to you. All you need to know is, Jaime and I won Dress up Christmas, and can’t wait to give it hell next year. Thank you, and goodnight.