It’s not that I have a personal vendetta against string bikinis and modern swim wear in general, it’s just that I feel like they’re out to destroy me and my self esteem.
If anyone knows me they know I’m a ride or die bitch in the name of nostalgia. And what better a cure to the whole “does this tube top make my weird shoulder/armpit intersection roll look fat” predicament than an epic swimsuit ball gown of yesteryear? And regardless of if we want to believe it or not, our grandmothers wore it better.
Listen if you are one of those girls that can successfully rock an itty bitty teeny weeny yellow polka dot bikini without a stitch of self loathing and crash dieting, then I salute you (you bitch). But I for one cannot get on board with the whole “less is more” thing in regards to my swim wear. I’m not implying that you SHOULD feel uncomfortable in a bikini, or anything for that matter, but why pay $60 for a piece of fabric to cover only the bare necessities when you could just raid your meme’s closet and look epic for free? If given the opportunity to wear a waterproof(ish) fit and flare mini dress with a plunging back line as opposed to waterproof underwear meant for a 9 year old, ill pick the flare any day!
These fine ladies allowed me to take a few moments out of their very busy, very tan vacation time to model some of the most nostalgic swimwear we could could get our hands on (I mean Mickey Mouse? REALLY?!). And boy did they deliver, I genuinely can’t tell if these are my friends or pin ups from the glory days.
So all in all, as I type this nautical pep talk while my shoulders burn to a crisp poolside, wear what makes you feel bossy, apply sunscreen , and thank your grandmothers for blazing the path so that you may prosper.
Keep it ill.